www.byjp.me/content/bookmarks/boundary-issues.md
2024-10-16 14:07:25 +01:00

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---
title: Boundary Issues
date: "2024-01-28T21:17:56Z"
emoji: "\U0001F93A"
publishDate: "2023-07-10T13:34:08Z"
bookmarkOf: https://www.parapraxismagazine.com/articles/boundary-issues
references:
bookmark:
url: https://www.parapraxismagazine.com/articles/boundary-issues
type: entry
name: Boundary Issues
summary: How boundaries became the rules for mental health—and explain everything Lily
Scherlis
author: Lily Scherlis
summary: How boundaries became the rules for mental health—and explain everything
---
An extremely interesting article that helped me realise how different my definition of what “boundaries” are seems to differ from what contemporary usage is!
For me, a personal boundary is a pre-negotiated _promise_, not a _demand_. “These things hurt me, so if you end up doing them/I end up in that position (irrespective of intent or blame) then I will probably take these actions to protect myself.”
Instead of a tool of control (“youve crossed my boundary, you bad person”) its a tool for self-compassion (“Ive reached my threshold and I need to care for myself for a spell. Here are some ways you could help with that, if you like.”)