---
date: 2024-08-23T11:49:51.517+01:00
emoji: 🥸
publishDate: 2024-08-23T11:49:51.517+01:00
title: How I Learned to Have Uncomfortable Conversations
bookmarkOf: https://humanparts.medium.com/finding-my-fighting-words-how-i-learned-to-have-uncomfortable-conversations-9c0bb09c50c
category:
  - IPFS
  - web
references:
  - url: https://humanparts.medium.com/finding-my-fighting-words-how-i-learned-to-have-uncomfortable-conversations-9c0bb09c50c
    type: entry
    name: How I Learned to Have Uncomfortable Conversations
    summary: I had 50 painfully uncomfortable conversations with strangers in NYC to practice being assertive under pressure. Here’s what I learned.
    featured:
      - alt: A photo of smaller dinosaur figurines in front of a T-rex figurine.
        url: https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fill:1200:632/g:fp:0.54:0.31/1*reK_nVirj6DhA1cWFg-BXg.jpeg
    published: 2020-05-27T20:32:26.911Z
    author: https://medium.com/@danshiner
    publication: Medium
slug: how-i-learned-to-have-uncomfortable
---

Learn to have difficult conversations (increase your assertiveness quotient, or AQ) and, combined with solid emotional intelligence (EQ), you've a winning combination that avoids both "asshole" _and_ "people pleaser".

An interesting framing that resonates with me — I don't _think_ I'm an asshole (I believe I have pretty solid EQ), I think I'm good at asking for what I want (pretty solid AQ; assuming I _know_ what I want), and I've managed to gain respect in most of the places I spend time.