---
title: Boundary Issues
date: "2024-01-28T21:17:56Z"
emoji: "\U0001F93A"
publishDate: "2023-07-10T13:34:08Z"
bookmarkOf: https://www.parapraxismagazine.com/articles/boundary-issues
references:
  bookmark:
    url: https://www.parapraxismagazine.com/articles/boundary-issues
    type: entry
    name: Boundary Issues
    summary: How boundaries became the rules for mental health—and explain everything    Lily
      Scherlis
    author: Lily Scherlis
summary: How boundaries became the rules for mental health—and explain everything
---
An extremely interesting article that helped me realise how different my definition of what “boundaries” are seems to differ from what contemporary usage is!

For me, a personal boundary is a pre-negotiated _promise_, not a _demand_. “These things hurt me, so if you end up doing them/I end up in that position (irrespective of intent or blame) then I will probably take these actions to protect myself.”

Instead of a tool of control (“you’ve crossed my boundary, you bad person”) it’s a tool for self-compassion (“I’ve reached my threshold and I need to care for myself for a spell. Here are some ways you could help with that, if you like.”)